America's Next Top Automotive Journalist

One thing that makes the 21^st century such a good time to be alive is that there’s no sanctioned authority telling you to limit your time doing the horizontal mambo.

In this day and age, you can meet someone of the opposite sex (or even the same sex) at a bar, coffee shop, restaurant, whatever … and a few hours later you both can be lie-down dancing. There’s no medieval ruler over your shoulder threatening your castration if you take a possible mate away from him.

Nowadays if a woman wants to enjoy the company of a man, she can very well go out and enjoy the company of a man … or another woman … or a man and a woman … or four men and five women … or even 12 men and 8 women all at once inside a rainbow-colored Mini Cooper – anything goes – no government approval needed.

Nowadays, if a man wants to go out and hit that stick, he can hit that stick. And people don’t really care any which way from Tuesday whether his preference is for the “stick” or the “gash”.

That’s the beauty of the age in which we live … when it comes to sexual things we hold dear, we’re free to do what we please, because we’re human and we have needs.

For most, sexual needs are life’s Energizer battery. Without sex, much of the inspiration we have to move forward through life would be gone.

Why do people strive to be richer? Why do people strive to mob deep in an Escalade as opposed to an Escort? Because it is way more fun to jackhammer away on supple Cadillac leather than on itchy econo-car mouse-fir cloth.

Why do people strive to vacation in the French Riviera as opposed to “Mosquito Swamp” State Park? Because nobody in their right mind wants critters up their crotch … plus nothing kisses the ass better than the Mediterranean Sun.

Sex is such a vital part of human life, not just for its ability to bring new life into the world, but because it brings new life within us. Sex makes us happy.

So when I see people and organizations that try to get people to turn off their sexual urges, I scratch my head in confusion. Sometimes that confusion leads to my wanting to scratch off my scalp in pure anger.

Here we are living in the era of 21^st century sexual freedom, and then I see books trying to take us back to the 13^th century. I was visiting a friend in Pennsylvania a couple of weeks back and I was quite disturbed by a book I saw on her counter.

There are few things in this world that disturb me, but this book really took the cake – it was entitled, “Every Young Man’s Battle: Strategies for Victory in the Real World of Sexual Temptation (The Every Man Series)”.

With sex being such an integral part of the human experience, I cannot imagine there are people out there encouraging the blockage of sexual feelings and thoughts. It’s as bad as someone writing a book discouraging exhalation, with a bonus section on how to avoid urination.

I just don’t understand how keeping the mind “pure” makes anyone happier. If anything, it would cause psychological damage just like plugging the penis tip during ejaculation causes urinary tract damage. Isn’t it possible that a book like this could cause a level of angst that would make men dangerous to women? There’s also an “Every Woman Series”. I worry that series could cause more young women to get pregnant.

There are not many things in this world that make me red hot, but when you tell the ice cube it’s not allowed to exist in a solid state, you’re just wasting your breath.

Books that say masturbation and sexual thoughts will send you straight to hell are creating an unnecessary a fear in young men and women. When I see people suffering it kills me, especially when the suffering is manufactured from the fundamentalist views of 13^th century-minded authors.

I further question these books’ effectiveness when I read their customer reviews. One Amazon.com customer commenting on Every Young man’s Battle reported the book delves into gritty details of sexual discovery. While that’s enough for me to want to buy a copy and make the pages stick together, I feel sorry for the innocent minds to which this book is targeted. Imagine the look on poor little Bobby’s face when he finds out “doggy style” has nothing to do with Scooby Doo. I’m not saying that’s what’s in the book, but it is a gritty sexual detail.

What it all boils down to is another instance where the peddling of family values backfires in the face of those who are so hell-bent on forcing their beliefs on others. To all you pushy, overbearing, hypocritical bastards: I dedicate my next hard-on to you, and I spooge in your general direction.